Being a mum isn’t easy, it sure has its ups and downs,
Being a mum was never easy, as we grin on and simply get over our frowns.
Yes, we laugh, we play, we learn, we sing, we dance, we hug, we cuddle, we snuggle,
and often rather conveniently forget to highlight how we SNAP and STRUGGLE
Yes I confess, just like my little one, I snap, I yell, I shout, I scream,
and I can throw a bout of tantrum just as dramatic,
or even much worse than what she’s ever seen.
I often say “I’m busy”, “Go play alone”, “Don’t disturb me” and many other such statements which basically imply “Please leave me alone!”.
And each time I say that, I can feel her heart break and the shattering of my own.
My heart skips a beat or two, as I see my little one startle and panic,
when I throw a tantrum of frustration which can be just as erratic.
My soul is crushed when I see my little one looking for someone to run to,
Some one to rescue her from me… searching for her next best person to go to.
But then something miraculous happens…
She instinctively runs to me, in no time,
as she cries uncontrollably, her soul shattered just like mine.
Her eyes reflecting an intense mix of fear, disappointment and hope…
a hope to never have to go through that moment, that made her feel all alone.
My heart cries a thousand rivers when I snug her tight into my arms,
and she grips me with a force so strong,
that its hard to believe that she’s only a 2 year old trying to figure out what she did wrong.
Although the fear and confusion continues to exist,
the relief that follows is hard to resist.
And wrapping her arms around me, she squeezes me so very tight,
Only hoping that now everything will be alright.
In that moment I realise, how her love for me is so pure and unconditional,
and I feel so shallow when I expect a 2 year old to be all rational.
While raising her, I often struggle to have some personal space,
but I fail to realise how I am her only “safe place”.
I am eternally grateful that my little one exists,
and continues to not only test me but also manages to tactfully twist my wrist.
Yes, I feel stuck and suffocated at times but she only makes me a better person,
and when I am not, she forgives me as if nothing wrong was done.
In moments of outbursts, when our patience and strength runs low,
we simply melt into each other’s arms,
And stay there safe, as we let all of our emotions flow.
That, then and there, is a moment we cherish,
Because that is called “coming back home” after we are done being foolish.
I whisper in her ear, “I’m so very sorry for getting upset”,
But in a way it puts our relationship up for a test.
Just as I tell her how I love her to the moon and back,
She gently reaches out to touch my tearful eyes and cuts me some slack.
And then as we close our eyes and call it a day,
We both let it go and have nothing more to say.
We get all cosy as we cuddle and sleep,
The silent peace that takes over is so insightful and deep.
We wake up to start a new day, as if yesterday never happened,
And yet accept each other in spite of everything that happened.
As I raise my little one and teach her how to be,
I realise that she has so much more that I can learn to be.
Strong headed, with a Forgiving Heart, Loving Soul and Caring from the start.
Emotionally resilient yet empathetic, and has so much more to offer from her cart.
I am far from being a perfect mum, but I’m sure that I was made to be “her mum”,
I goof up time and again and yet she chooses me over everyone.
I don’t have to be the best, or put our relationship to test,
As long as I know that she loves me come what may,
That puts all of my mothering doubts to rest.
She has taught me to believe that I can do it all, even when I can’t,
She has taught me to be “her mum”, and silenced all of those idealistic “motherhood” rants.
Loosing my cool, doesn’t make me a bad mum.
Messing up and giving up doesn’t make me a bad mum,
Wanting some me-time doesn’t make me a bad mum.
My little one has taught me to block out many such doubts that come.
If anything, she makes me introspect so so deep,
These are the moments when she tells me that I am forever hers to keep.
It’s as if she has hand-picked me to be her mum,
Good or bad, we shall only know in the time to come.
Even when it often feels and looks like something is amiss,
Her and me, as a team…we fight, we make up and we kiss,
Right then and there, we always end up making a promise,
Only to remind each other that “We’ve got this!”